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  • Elise Delap

A Stream of Consciousness


Well here we are... just you and me.


I don't know if I am doing any of this right, so please...

Come get lost with me.







Random Words for Now:


Impatient.

Manic.

Heartbroken.

Romantic.

Chaos.

Numb.

Stuck.

Tears.

Headache.

Delusion.

Destruction.

Acceptance.

Denial.

Optimism.

Imaginary.

Dreamy.

Whimsy.

Worthy.

Worthy.

Worthy.

Confusion.

Vastness.

Time-Traveler.

Create.

Shape Shift.

Unobtainable.

Realistic.

Impulse.

Hesitation.

Disgusting.

Messy.

Choking.

Mind.

Legacy.

Craft.

Communion.

Impact.

Wild.

Want.

Need.

Fatigue.

Empathy.

Guilt.

Shame.

Vulnerability.

Unworthy.


Purpose.



I feel like I’m waiting for creative genius to land in my lap. As if I will wake up one morning, and my life’s purpose will be right there, waiting to be fulfilled. That I’ll have experienced enough existence to create something so impactful and meaningful, that it will change our world, as we know it.


I also can’t be a story recycler. This shit has to be new, real, raw and innovative. And not offensive or demeaning towards a particular person or group of people. But also personal and relative to a multitude of humans. Monumental and cultural. A conversation piece that extends to the masses. Psychological. Familial. Romantic. Heartbreaking and hopeful all at once.


Ah, what a precipice to be upon. A young artist waiting to fulfill her destiny…



And then I realize: who the fuck wants to hear about the manic, superfluous problems of a 26-year-old white, heterosexual woman from an over-served, middle to upper class, Midwestern family? It’s 2021; the world could go up in flames at any moment, and there are so many more black, brown, gay, lesbian, transsexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, queer, disabled, under-served, at risk, and more experienced, extremely interesting people whose geniuses and purposes should be fulfilled before mine.


I’m at the bottom of the list, and rightfully so.



So, here’s the deal. I can’t promise you anything. I can’t tell you that your entire life will be changed and that the world will never be the same after reading my blog. Nor can I say that any of this content will be relevant or worth reading. But I’m on a daily journey to solve this wild puzzle we call life (spoiler alert: it can’t be done), and chances are you're probably doing the same thing, so if my stories and experiences bring you any type of comfort, enlightenment or challenge you whatsoever, this might very well be worth it.


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